In the event of some recent posts where one was quite un-amusing because she claimed to be "afraid" of her pre-teen son, which I could totally not relate to, and another who said males suck in general, I'm going to take the opportunity to utilize part of a reply I posted and toss it out here because it should be said.
Not all men and boys, males in general suck and in fact, some are decent men.
My husband and I have been married twenty five plus years. When I was diagnosed with cancer a few years ago, he turned into the absolutely most perfect husband anyone could ever imagine. He completely stepped into the role of double parenting because one dose of chemo damn near killed me.
This man took me to doctor's appointments, I would be so sick that I was super dehydrated, or I'd have severe pain going on, he would get up in the middle of the night, take me to the ER for fluids and painkillers, and then take me home, put me to bed, go back to sleep for an hour, get the two boys who were still at home up and headed to school and he'd go to work, and not one time did he ever complain. At the time, he was working sixty hours a week. Not one cross or ugly word crossed that man's mouth, not even when I was bald, not even when I dropped twenty pounds in a week, he never gave me shit about being adamant I didn't want reconstruction because I hated doctors and was tired of dealing with medical shit. He was incredibly kind and graceful about the mastectomy. Then he was let go from his job. Not one time did he ever blame me for that.
The next six months of chemo, I was severely alllergic to it, and he not one time ever said anything unkind to me about the twenty five pounds of steroid weight I packed on (and still have that won't go anywhere) and just as I finished my last chemo, he flew to where we live now and interviewed for the job he currently has. We relocated cross country 2 1/2 years ago, and here we are. As much as I loathe how I look, he has not ever one time told me I should reconsider and try to be reconstructed. He's never said anything remotely implying that he doesn't like how I look or that he loves me any less because of any of this. It drives me batshit because in my brain, my functionality is less than 100%, so my performance for normality and functioning is just not what it used to be and it never will be again and he doesn't care. He tells me he's glad I'm still here.
As for our monkeys, our oldest is in the military and married. The two younger ones are still at home.
They were brought up to be kind and considerate, to do things for others, and be responsible. If they fucked up, they learned to own it and "man up" that they'd messed up and if so, it wasn't just about being punished for messing up here at home, but also about how to make it better, whatever it was they'd messed up with. They were taught not to start shit with other people, but if someone else started shit with them, they had every right to self-defend. They were also brought up to be compassionate and be mannerly. They were brought up to not objectify or abuse women.
The oldest was in probably ninth grade and liked a young lady. Her mom called me and told me how impressed she was with him because of his manners. She had needed to go by a co-worker's home and drop off some things because this person had just had a baby. Evidently my oldest was more than happy to sit and hold this baby so the mom could visit with his little girlfriend's mom. Most boys that age don't know which end is up on a baby.
The middle son was in probably tenth grade when he was at a friend's house and they were out walking around. They saw a guy hitting on his girlfriend, so he and his friend went over and confronted the guy and each punched him and told him he might get more than he bargained for if he hit his girlfriend again. (This was in The Deep South where beating on girlfriends was considered socially acceptable. My boys loathed that shit.) Probably not the smartest thing to go smack a guy around because he was smacking his girlfriend around, but you get the idea--my sons would stand up for someone who wasn't able to stand on even footing with someone picking on them.)
The youngest son was at a junior high school dance. There was a young lady who was in a wheelchair. She asked several young men to dance with her. None of them would because she was in a wheelchair. Know who asked her to dance with him? Yes, the youngest son. I told him he did something amazing because she would probably remember that kindness for the rest of her life.
So yes, while there are epic dicks out there in the world, not all guys are dicks. I hope you can believe that. No, the husband isn't perfect, nor are the monkeys, so please don't think they are and hate me for it, but they are decent men in a world that's fucked up.
Some women were taken out to dinner or given chocolate or flowers for the holiday. My husband and I went to price appliances for the new house. I wound up with a washer and dryer set that can do a load of laundry in thirty minutes. Don't hate me. I've waited over twenty five years for a washer and dryer to be nearly Rosie from the Jetsons. Just saying.
Now this means I need to hunt down a new recipe for laundry soap. I also need to make some toothpaste again.
Not all men and boys, males in general suck and in fact, some are decent men.
My husband and I have been married twenty five plus years. When I was diagnosed with cancer a few years ago, he turned into the absolutely most perfect husband anyone could ever imagine. He completely stepped into the role of double parenting because one dose of chemo damn near killed me.
This man took me to doctor's appointments, I would be so sick that I was super dehydrated, or I'd have severe pain going on, he would get up in the middle of the night, take me to the ER for fluids and painkillers, and then take me home, put me to bed, go back to sleep for an hour, get the two boys who were still at home up and headed to school and he'd go to work, and not one time did he ever complain. At the time, he was working sixty hours a week. Not one cross or ugly word crossed that man's mouth, not even when I was bald, not even when I dropped twenty pounds in a week, he never gave me shit about being adamant I didn't want reconstruction because I hated doctors and was tired of dealing with medical shit. He was incredibly kind and graceful about the mastectomy. Then he was let go from his job. Not one time did he ever blame me for that.
The next six months of chemo, I was severely alllergic to it, and he not one time ever said anything unkind to me about the twenty five pounds of steroid weight I packed on (and still have that won't go anywhere) and just as I finished my last chemo, he flew to where we live now and interviewed for the job he currently has. We relocated cross country 2 1/2 years ago, and here we are. As much as I loathe how I look, he has not ever one time told me I should reconsider and try to be reconstructed. He's never said anything remotely implying that he doesn't like how I look or that he loves me any less because of any of this. It drives me batshit because in my brain, my functionality is less than 100%, so my performance for normality and functioning is just not what it used to be and it never will be again and he doesn't care. He tells me he's glad I'm still here.
As for our monkeys, our oldest is in the military and married. The two younger ones are still at home.
They were brought up to be kind and considerate, to do things for others, and be responsible. If they fucked up, they learned to own it and "man up" that they'd messed up and if so, it wasn't just about being punished for messing up here at home, but also about how to make it better, whatever it was they'd messed up with. They were taught not to start shit with other people, but if someone else started shit with them, they had every right to self-defend. They were also brought up to be compassionate and be mannerly. They were brought up to not objectify or abuse women.
The oldest was in probably ninth grade and liked a young lady. Her mom called me and told me how impressed she was with him because of his manners. She had needed to go by a co-worker's home and drop off some things because this person had just had a baby. Evidently my oldest was more than happy to sit and hold this baby so the mom could visit with his little girlfriend's mom. Most boys that age don't know which end is up on a baby.
The middle son was in probably tenth grade when he was at a friend's house and they were out walking around. They saw a guy hitting on his girlfriend, so he and his friend went over and confronted the guy and each punched him and told him he might get more than he bargained for if he hit his girlfriend again. (This was in The Deep South where beating on girlfriends was considered socially acceptable. My boys loathed that shit.) Probably not the smartest thing to go smack a guy around because he was smacking his girlfriend around, but you get the idea--my sons would stand up for someone who wasn't able to stand on even footing with someone picking on them.)
The youngest son was at a junior high school dance. There was a young lady who was in a wheelchair. She asked several young men to dance with her. None of them would because she was in a wheelchair. Know who asked her to dance with him? Yes, the youngest son. I told him he did something amazing because she would probably remember that kindness for the rest of her life.
So yes, while there are epic dicks out there in the world, not all guys are dicks. I hope you can believe that. No, the husband isn't perfect, nor are the monkeys, so please don't think they are and hate me for it, but they are decent men in a world that's fucked up.
Some women were taken out to dinner or given chocolate or flowers for the holiday. My husband and I went to price appliances for the new house. I wound up with a washer and dryer set that can do a load of laundry in thirty minutes. Don't hate me. I've waited over twenty five years for a washer and dryer to be nearly Rosie from the Jetsons. Just saying.
Now this means I need to hunt down a new recipe for laundry soap. I also need to make some toothpaste again.
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