For your reading pleasure--

I give you not a post on April 1st, because then you might not take anything I posted seriously.

Cancer Bitches has just absolutely taken off like you wouldn't believe; more and more people are joining like crazy.  I guess it's pretty damn obvious that I'm not the only one who was turned into a bitch by cancer and who despises the pink ribbon shit, so that is awesome sauce.

603 Pinterest followers, with 348 of those being on A Valid Option.

#foodporn seems to be my largest amount of retweets, retwits, whatever it's called, so I know where everyone's minds wandered off to.

A few weeks ago, Streak made a lovely herb covered pork roast covered with onion in her slow cooker and was kind enough to share the recipe with me.  She was kind enough to invite me over with my slow cooker and she fixed the same thing in mine, which stayed there to cook and then we ate over there.  She made mashed potatoes, green beans, and lovely honey rosemary carrots.  It was a spectacular meal which I figured up made at least three huge meals to feed multiple people.  I also replicated it a week later.  If I can't find the recipe on pinterest soon, I may put it up here so the rest of you can fix this.  The lovely ladies at our dentist's office all have the recipe, so it is getting circulation in this area.

RedHun recently won a five hundred dollar gift certificate, which I thought was cool.

Military Monkey is no longer Military Monkey.  He received an honorable discharge from the military and will now be referred to as Civvie Monkey until I can come up with an appropriate new name for him.  He'll be going to college, but since I have a College Monkey already, then I can't use that name for him.  He and his adorable wife will be relocating soon to warmer living space.

College Monkey is changing jobs.  He worked at his first job for two years, so this will be new territory for him and I think he'll like it.

Football Monkey has been doing Robotics, along with ROTC and football stuff.  He got his football ring and it's an amazing sight to see.

The husband watching football stuff right now, which is always a good thing when it's not football season.  We miss football season.

My lymphedema is driving me batty on the right side, namely my right upper arm.  Why, you ask?  Because of the storm fronts that keep moving through.  The change in air pressure affects my arm more than I ever thought it could.  I need to acquire more kinesio tape so I can bribe Streak with cookies to tape me for pain control since I'd rather not sleep in my mono-sleeve thingy.

Time to make more toothpaste, which is always fun.

And a big Fuck You to the vile cancer industry and a big cheer for this project, Woman:  Redefined, Dignity, and Breast Cancer.  If only I'd had access to something like this before my surgery, I might have had a slightly different perspective about the vileness of my body and what it would look like with the nasty scars.  I hope these people succeed far beyond what they ever could have imagined at the beginning of this project.

Since I wound up back on the subject of cancer, I try to help other people, you know, with stuff like the Cancer Bitches group.  I keep getting thanked for it.  None are needed, I just want people to have a safe place away from the mindlessly brainwashed masses who have had breast cancer and actually believe the pink ribbon shit does something for them.  Harsh of me, well, fuck yeah, then again, I'm an opinionated bitch and I've been speaking my mind about my opinions regarding the lies of the cancer industry and other assorted shit related to it.  

Cancer Bitches was started to give people a safe place to vent and say they are having a shitty day or week without fucking fake ass shit spewed at them in an insincere and smarmy assed, priggish manner.  (Jesus fucking christ, I'm so happy I just got to use a form of the word prig here!)  There's a need for the bitchtastic bitchitude of the Bitcherhood that is Cancer Bitches and no, we dgaf.  Sometimes people need a virtual hug and not told they aren't doing cancer "right" because they are having a bad day or week. JS

Anyway, I'm modifying the following topic as a warning to you non-cancer community people of what NOT to say to someone who has had cancer.  I've had this happen more than once.  True fact.  (I must warn you now, please go pee because you might wet yourself laughing or you'll be offended as fuck.)

The subject of hair came up.  Those of us who have been bald from chemo and/or radiation know the bizarre-ness of people commenting on the bald and/or touching the fuzz that is hair trying to grow back.  It's rather humiliating, it's a disgusting violation of the Personal Bubble Space, and well, it's as offensive as fuck all, like grabbing for a visibly pregnant stranger's expanding waistline while idiotic comments are being made.

(That said, I don't touch anyone's pregnant belly, but I'll lean down and wave and say "Hey, little person, nice to see you there!" which people find amusing and inoffensive.)

My commentary on Cancer Bitches went something like this.

Just wait until you get one of the stupid dumb ass questions that you aren't anticipating. This happened to me more than once, but now it's not about the hair, it's about the scars and flat chest.  But this is how I deal with it now, but it took me a few times to figure it out.  I might be slow, but I didn't fall off the pumpkin truck last year.  True fact.  

Me:  *standing there minding your own business*

Dumb Ass:  *figures out you've had cancer*  Oh, so you've had cancer!  Your hair is growing back!

Me:  Yes, thank you.

Dumb Ass:  So, your hair fell out?

Me:  Yes.

Dumb Ass:  So ALL of your hair fell out?

Me:  Yes.

Dumb Ass:  So aaaAAALLLlll of your hair fell out?  *at this point I'm given what they think is a "KNOWING" look*  ALL Of It?!

Me:  *not figuring out what they meant until this conversation happened several times, but because I'm so fucking awesome, I now know how to deal with it and am sharing with others, so they can deal with it in an awesomely bitchtastic way*  Oh, if you mean ALL of my hair, as in even the hair on my girly bits, why yes, yes it did ALL fall out.  Any more questions?

Dumb Ass:  *looks appalled that I called them on it*  Oh.

Me:  Any further questions?

Dumb Ass:  No.

Please, for fuck's sake, do not ever ask someone that.  I cannot imagine what the fucking thoughts in someone's head actually prompts them to spout this shit out like it's perfectly acceptable content for acceptable social behavior when conversing with a complete stranger like discussing the weather.

What the ever loving fuck all?

Just please don't do it.

Thank you for your time and attention regarding this manner.  That is your friendly PSA about what not to say to a current or former oncology patient.

You are now returned to your regularly scheduled blog reading, food porn or whatever you're into these days.

Sometimes I don't get it. Part Two.

Sometimes I don't get it.  Part Two.

The thing I see the most with rude drivers around here is this.

There is NOTHING behind me.  Nothing, as in no vehicles.  Nary a one.

And yet someone from a side road will fucking pull out in front of me.  Why can't they wait that extra three seconds for me to pass before pulling out in front of me?  And then why can't they actually drive the fucking speed limit, rather than half the speed limit?  It doesn't matter if there is snow and ice on the road, this happens in hundred degree weather when the road is dry and driving conditions are optimal.

What the ever loving fuck all?  Is it dumb asses get on the road and pull out in front of other drivers day?  This is not acceptable social behavior on the road.  JS

Something amusing I actually saw was a sign by a road that had words printed on it.  "Man Toys."  Is that what it's called when there's a yard sale with items that men would be interested in?  That must be in regarding that creative wording. Talk about efficient word smithing, that's definitely creative and efficient.

The rude drivers need to stay off the damn road and if they don't, which we all know they won't, then they don't need to pull out in front of me.  

Sometimes I don't get it. Part One.

Sometimes, I just don't get it.  Part One.

I participate in several online groups.  (And no, I dgaf who reads this and gets offended.)

Am I just that old to where I don't communicate well with my chemo addled brain?  

I had commented about something.  Person A leaves a comment that she thinks is amusing.  I genuinely and politely question said comment because I honestly didn't comprehend it.  Someone who I communicate with pointed out Privately and politely to me that it was intended to be humorous.  Okay, I can see that now, but before I can go actually say anything, Person B publicly tells us to go get medicated.  Perhaps she thought she was diffusing the situation.  Person A and I were communicating just fine, though, and were in the process of sorting things out.  I told Person B that I didn't appreciate her comment at all.

What in the ever loving fuck all comes into someone's mind as acceptable to insult two people by injecting herself into a fucking conversation that first off, didn't involve her, second, that she wasn't invited into or asked to clarify shit for anyone, and third, insult the both of us by insinuating that Person A and myself should be fucking medicated?  Since when the fuck is that considered acceptable social behavior?  I just do not understand this at all.  (Maybe it's because I've been on the internet over twenty years now and I'm old.)

Don't get me wrong, I do have a sense of humor.  That said, I don't find it amusing to myself or others to fucking insult someone unless they have opened themselves up for insulting.

And yet the Private communication person is so incredibly kind.  There's not one mean or selfish bone or even cell in her body.  If people had just ten cells of the kindness this particular lady possesses, or even that of RedHun, LAP, or Streak, the world would be just so much of a better place.