It finally happened.

One of my Cancer Bitches with mets has gone to hospice.

While sitting here crying, I tried to thank her for her kindness and friendship to me.  I'm afraid my attempt was very inept, though.

Carolyn,

Cancer hasn't won. You know why? Because I when met you and The Cancer Curmudgeon, you were both the only two women who didn't try to spew fake garbage at me and make me feel even worse about the train wreck cancer threw into my life that still hasn't left. Of all the people I tried to reach out to years ago, you and The Cancer Curmudgeon were the only two who accepted me where I was, how I felt and let me know it was okay to be where I was when I was there. That is why cancer hasn't won. You two were my original cancer bitches before there were cancer bitches because you were both willing to stick to saying it sucked and not be fake about the shit that cancer is. You gave me acceptance, and in turn, I hope to give that to others and because of that, I want to say thank you. You and Cancer Curmudgeon taught me that it's okay to reach out and someone will eventually be there, it's just a matter of finding the correct person who will understand unconditionally; I want to be able to give that to others. Thank you for your kindness to me. It means more to me than you will ever know because there's not really a way to express it adequately and for that, I am sorry.

Even though we never met in real life, I am and always will be proud to speak of your kindness to me. You have my deepest gratitude and appreciation. (And thank you, Julie.)(Julie is the person who will hopefully convey my sentiments to Carolyn.)

Much love and many hugs.

Me